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Joke of the Day

"Based on the amount of laundry I did today I have to assume there are people living in this house I haven't met yet."

"What did the one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing they just waved! Did you sea what I did there? I'm shore you did, beach."

"What did the tomato say to the ear of corn? Nothing, as tomatoes lack any ability to communicate."

"I went out for Chinese last night, I told the waiter that the chicken was rubbery... He thanked me."

"""Yo it's your boy! You already know who it is!"" -every rapper that is not your boy and who you do not know"

"When is a mass shooting not a mass shooting? When it involves energy, because energy had no mass."

"People need to learn the difference between heroin and heroine. One is exceedingly more difficult to fit into a syringe."

"My father used to put snowballs in the blender and make great slushies Snowballs was a great cat"

"Captain Hook's Girlfriend Breaking Up with Him It's not you, It's Smee."

"A muslim opens a stir-fry restaurant in Hawai. He called it ""Aloha-Wok-bar""."