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Joke of the Day

"A homeless man told me to get home safely I smiled and said, ""You too!"""

"Some people won't stop complaining about Steam's new updates... ... I guess they just can't see the Big Picture. (Just thought of this and wanted to share.)"

"Date: Cat-callers disgust me. Me: [hastily returning phone to pocket] Oh haha yeah me too. My cat: *at home by the phone worried sick*"

"Why did the black med student wait all day at the rear entrance of the student cafeteria? Because his professor told his class they were going to spend the entire next day at a bacteria conference."

"Being an asshole lowers people's expectations of you. (Except on Twitter, where assholes must continue to prove they are assholes)"

"What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve!"

"Why are so many racist jokes about black people? Because black people can't read. Duh. I'll show myself out."

"Patient: Doctor if I give up wine women and song will I live longer? Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer."

"[creating the armadillo] GOD: I want a half turtle, ANGEL: Okay G: Half pig, A: Okay, I'm on it- G: Half anteater A: ...Are u drunk G: Very"

"Passwords: Outlook- work1234 Aol- kidsnames home alarm- anniversary Twitter- supercalifragilist{middlename}espialido{graduationyear}cious"