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Joke of the Day

"This Christmas... This Christmas, Donald Trump's hair becomes sentient and nukes canada. Only one Democratic Socialist can prevent a total World War. Bernie Sanders stars... in HELL TOUPEE"

"Why did Little Miss Muffet have GPS on her Tuffet? To keep her from losing her whey."

"Why do lawyers wear neckties? to keep their foreskins from creeping up."

"Why did the meteorologist bring a bar of soap to work? He was expecting showers."

"""Hey! check out my new ink"" *removes shirt, stands naked* ""Dude!, I don't see anything"" ""It's invisible ink"""

"What do you call a shitty band that only plays in the winter? Coldplay."

"I've always been really bad at telling jokes. I always manage to fuck up the punchline."

"What's black hairy and writes under water? A ball-point gorilla!"

"Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes."

"I traded my brother for an old Game Boy game I'm still not sure what that old guy wanted him for."