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Joke of the Day

"My friend said I didn't understand irony... Which is ironic because we were standing in a bus stop at the time."

"A man walks into a bar... ... ouch."

"God loves everyone You know, it's in that book you hold up when you're yelling at gay people."

"Reasons he didn't text you: - He forgot. - He fell asleep. - His phone died. - His pet died. - His GF died. - He died. - He thinks you died."

"If sexual harassment is wrong, I don't want to be caught."

"Did you hear about the writer who brought peace to the Middle East? He had a way with Kurds."

"What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong? Neil Armstrong was the first man on the moon, and Michael Jackson rapes kids and gets away with it."

"Did you hear the one about the man who panicked when his friend started to drown? He didn't know water do..."

"My husband said I was passive aggressive so I punched him in the face and said well, you're half right."

"How do you stretch your back? ""I don't know."" **shrugs*"