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Joke of the Day

"I came across a lost kid in my neighborhood the other day Now I have to register everywhere I live and put a sign in my yard :("

"My Cocaine Is So White Police Let It Go With A Warning"

"What is the oldest joke we have on record? (X-post) http://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/2krnv8/what_is_the_oldest_joke_we_have_on_record/"

"My grandma was so poor she only left me recipes for pasta dishes in her will, you could say she was my.. *golf swings* Pennefactor."

"Why do white girls always travel in odd number packs? They can't even"

"""Pete's coming for dinner tonight."" ""Pete from work or Pete who thinks he can walk through doors?"" [Massive thud] ""I'll just check."""

"Them: Hi. I'm happy to meet you. Me: Hi. I'm awkward and already trying to find a way out of this conversation."

"Asked my dad to pass me a screwdriver. So he gave me a double vodka and orange juice."

"Sneaky? Dude, I got two handfuls of soup into a movie theater once."

"Got a quick joke, that might be offensive to women. NSFW Q: Two tampoons drive right pass you. Which one stop to say ""Hello?"" A: Neither! They're both stuck up cunts."