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Joke of the Day

"I stubbed my toe while visiting my parents. ""Mother fucker!"" My dad pops up, ""Hey! We agreed that you'll stop calling me that and I'll stop calling you 'cunt squatter.'"""

"Lawyers' Ethical Dilemma When a client gives you two hundred dollar bills stuck together from the bank machine to pay a $100 bill, do you tell your law partner?"

"Heard there were some hot deals... at the Baltimore CVS."

"One of these days you'll see the real me. Probably next week. I'm almost out of concealer."

"""How much for this remote controlled alien?"" ""Sir, that's Stephen Hawking."""

"I have no idea who is gonna die first in this movie, because everyone is white."

"I like my women like I like my sandwiches crusty and filled with cheese."

"are u nervous? do u hav nerves? dont wory. just take a deep breath. BUT NOT TOO DEEP!!! dont want ur lungs to pop. dont want that to hapen"

"What has 9 arms and still sucks? Def Leppard"

"I'm from the 80's. We ate cookies instead of deleting them."