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Joke of the Day

"What is the definition of a 'double standard'? If a girl sleeps with a ton of guys she is a slut, but if a guy does it, he is a homosexual."

"Q: How did the blonde kill her toy poodle? A: Trying to put batteries in it."

"I want to learn the Finnish language. But I don't know where to start."

"Hollywood sets impossible standards we can never live up to. Not even once have I saved people from dinosaurs with my knowledge of Unix."

"Before I had kids I never really reflected on life's little mysteries. For example, why is my toothbrush under the couch?"

"Hey! Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His pants fit like a glove"

"How do you get to Matthew McConaughey's house? A right a right a right"

"When I see a flash mob in public I immediately join in to make it seem like they didn't practice enough."

"What's the advantage to fingering a gypsy on her period? You get your palm red for free"

"Game of Thrones: Now with 100 percent more zombies! The Walking Dead should fire back by adding kingdoms."