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Joke of the Day

"(Teaching Kid to Ride a Bike) KID:Dad, I'm scared ME:It's okay. The closest tree is a mile away TREE:*rushes up to kid and clotheslines him*"

"My friend composes lyrics about sewing machines. She's a Singer songwriter."

"I bet whenever a cow eats a lot of grass she says to her friends ""I've been eating like a cow!"" and they'd laugh and moo or whatever cows do"

"A classic from when we were kids A man walks into a bar... And says ""Ow!"""

"If you're making out with a Thai girl, what's the first thing you should ask yourself? Am I feeling nuts?"

"Why don't orphans play professional Baseball? They don't know where home is."

"I'm trying to imagine you with a personality."

"My girlfriend got so mad she battered me with some vegetables. She has a terrible tempura."

"It's all fun and games until your iPhone is at 10% power."

"What do you get when you mix an elephant and a rhino? elephino. (Hell if I know)"