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Joke of the Day

"(Teaching Kid to Ride a Bike) KID:Dad, I'm scared ME:It's okay. The closest tree is a mile away TREE:*rushes up to kid and clotheslines him*"

"So apparently Garry glitter has gone down, ON LITTLE GIRLS HAHEHHEHEE (heat plz)"

"Why is Vladimir Putin always Russian? Because he's never Finnish."

"Why did the Middle Eastern man not want his daughter to go on a date with a boy from school? He was afraid she would come home stoned."

"Why are E.T.'s eyes so big? He saw the phone bill."

"Is thinking about doing something! Now just got to think what that something will be!!!"

"Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because he found it soda pressing."

"The liquor store clerk just wished me a merry Christmas as if she weren't going to see me 7 more times before then."

"It's funny when my wife gives me the silent treatment'. Because she thinks it's a punishmen"

"What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste. I always use this joke when going to Dr's, or any medical situation. It never fails to get a great laugh."