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Joke of the Day

"- You pay more attention to the TV than you do me! - Ma'am, do you want me to fix your cable or not?"

"I love playing catch with my dogs when I'm drunk, because I don't have dogs when I'm sober."

"Where did the father of the paper sack live? Baghdad!"

"Q: Why do ducks have flat webbed feet? A: To stomp out forest fires."

"NSFW - Getting a kiss might make your day, ... Getting a kiss might make your day, but getting anal will make your hole weak. Read this in a porta-poty at Roskilda music festival last week."

"Somebody wrote ""wash me"" on my car. I'm so lazy, I just wrote ""no"" under it."

"I used to watch the Olympics on TV as a child and dream of growing up and also watching the Olympics on TV but on a better TV."

"What can I bring to your party? Friend: A six pack. [does 10 crunches] [cancels]"

"Bernie Sanders looks and sounds like the High Sparrow from GoT, but that's an unfair comparison. By next season, Reddit will still remember the High Sparrow."

"A joke my 5yrs old just told me. Why did the police and fireman come?... Cause I just call them."