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Joke of the Day

"If you say I'm getting fat again Aunt Betty, I'll make a ""anything for 5 dollars"" ad on Craigslist with your name and number."

"People say I have the legs of a dancer. But until they find the rest of the body, the cops have nothing on me, man!"

"Just saw a hobo sleeping on a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. Must be his alarm system."

"I was going to write a book about an x-axis and y-axis on a piece of graph paper. But there was no plot."

"Where does Arnie sit at the movies? Aisle B - Back."

"I've been waiting for the bus so long, someone just stapled a lost cat flyer to my chest."

"My buddy asked if I could make an electronic cigarette lighter so I removed the battery."

"the refrigerator is a clear example that what matters is whats inside"

"Which is the only bank that drug tests all of its employees? PNC"

"Maybe the back door is the wrong door. -Hillary Clinton"