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Joke of the Day

"Why did the redditor stand on a piece of fruit to check his weight? BECAUSE HE WAS USING A BANANA FOR SCALE"

"1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait"

"(Don't let her know you can't read) Yes I'll have this *points to menu* -So you want the gratuity of 15% added to parties of 8 or more? Shit"

"I bet you've already heard this It's a pretty common word."

"What's the difference between an epileptic corn farmer and a prostitute with diarrhea? The corn farmer shucks between fits, whilst the prostitute fucks between shits."

"You know your driving really sucks when your GPS says ""After 300 yards, stop and let me out"""

"What's the etiquette on petting a baby that's been leashed to the bike rail outside Starbucks?"

"Most people have 32 teeth, some have 10... It's simple meth."

"Wow dude asks ""What brings you here?"" $14.99 per month and a addiction to a game that's been failing since Cata"

"I tried to upload the Brazil vs Germany game to pornhub... But they removed it for rape"