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Joke of the Day

"WHY IS THAT COTTON CANDY TALKING?! ""Grandma, that's Niki Minaj."""

"Who do you call when a sleepwalker injures himself? The somnambulance."

"Order a pizza then act confused when it arrives. ""A delivery for Aaron? Aarons DEAD. He DIED ordering a pizza in this house 10 years ago"""

"I heard that Sarah Palin is inviting everyone to watch the 2018 World Cup from her house"

"Yes, I said I was sorry and that I'd do anything to win you back. But that was before you told me you needed a ride to the airport at 5am."

"I forgot my phone so I asked this guy what time it was. He said ""time to get a watch"" & laughed. So I kicked him in the balls. It was 6:30."

"22 year old me after a night of drinking: ""I hope I didn't do anything stupid."" 29 year old me: ""I hope I didn't agree to go on a hike."""

"What did the duck say to the prostitute? Put it on my bill"

"The whole thing about ""we're all going to die some day,"" that's a joke, right?"

"I like my politicians like I like my coffee. I don't like coffee."