60099

Joke of the Day

"Scared the hell out of a stranger by sayin' ""good morning"" to 'em. That's a thing people used to do. Google it"

"[High school reunion] Hey guys! Remember me!? ""No"" How about now? *puts an entire toilet on my head* (in unison) CHRIS!"

"she wants the D (director's cut)"

"My Boss complains about that i ""come"" too early in work. The Job Pornstar is Hard. :I"

"""Hey, did you see that article about cats invading the internet?"" ""Yeah, I reddit."""

"I went to Alcoholics Anonymous last week. The first thing they told me to do was to stop hanging around other alcoholics. So I stopped going."

"Next month on the 13th, the date will be 13/13/13."

"If your opinion about global warming is based on the weather outside then you don't deserve to have an opinion about global warming"

"Ate shrooms & I feel nothing. Just an awful taste in my mouth. Also the dealer overcharged me. Also he's a centaur with spiders for lips"

"What they don't tell you about bathing in the blood of your enemies is your body hair is a light magenta for like the next 3 or 4 days. Ugh."