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Joke of the Day

"What Does A Chinese Man Need When Taking his Dog Out? Oven mitts."

"I used to be a programmer But now I like ounces."

"get pizza or die trying"

"Why did the guitarist go to prison? Because he fingered A Minor."

"@JustCallMeMike_: Make allergy season more exciting by snorting confetti so that every time you sneeze... it's like a little party on your face."

"""Hey sorry Im overprotective, guess I just get nervous since I watched OUR FAMILY GET MURDERED!"" -What the dad on Finding Nemo shouldve said"

"Ever since I started working out every day, I can really see a difference in how accomplished I am as a liar."

"*bride and groom kiss* minister: wow im like right here"

"Pity the poor egg. He only gets laid once in his life, and even then it's by his mother."

"Why are most male squirrels gay? Cuz they love nuts!"