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Joke of the Day

"Babe, can u vacuum a Chess board into the carpet again? the guys r here for a lifesize game *guys standing around in armor & kings outfits*"

"why is peter pan always in the air? Because he neverlands"

"Whats worse than ants in your pants? Your uncle."

"What do you call someone who masturbates on a plane? A highjacker"

"If I had a choice between stairs and a runged instrument for ascending things... I would choose the ladder."

"A book fell on my head... I only have my shelf to blame."

"7: Mama, are you lonely when we go to bed? Me: (Handle this like a great mom. Get the look off your face. Don't laugh.) Of course, sweetie."

"I'm not superstitious, I'm just kindastitious!!!"

"I went to the library and asked for a book on Pavlov's dog and Shrodinger's Cat The librarian said ""That rings a bell but I don't know if it's here or not."""

"I have that eating disorder where I threw up once cause I ate too much candy and now I nod knowingly when someone says they're bulimic."