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Joke of the Day
"What's in common with jam and cream? I can jam and cream my dick up your ass."
Next Joke
"Trust is the most important thing in a relationship. After all, if you can't trust your girlfriend, how do you know she won't tell your wife?"
"Why don't pencils and graph paper get along? Because they're made out of graphite"
"I'm old school in the sense that I always put women and children first. I mean, there could be spiderwebs."
"My shy father was killed by a falling piano. His funeral was very low key."
"Where does Fred Weasley shop? Forever 21."
"Who needs to watch the #SOTU when I can just read my TL? Here's what I've learned so far: John Boehner is still orange."
"What do you call a black guy whose hitch-hiking? Stranded!"
"We will require you to do something somewhat onerous and time-comsuming and then introduce impediments to completing it. - my employer"
"Modern art.. I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art? I beg your pardon sir, that is a mirror!"