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Joke of the Day

"A grasshopper walks into a bar And the bartender says ""I have a shot named after you"" The grasshopper replies ""you have a shot named Steve?!"" My bartender friend told me this, thought I should share"

"""IS ANYONE HERE A DOCTOR?!?"" I screamed on the plane. 3 men shot up. ""Ok, now are any of you single? I need a sugar daddy. I do butt stuff."""

"What childhood game are orphans not aloud to play? House."

"A person followed me and then unfollowed me within 3 minutes. How can they judge me after only seeing 47 tweets?"

"What's the difference between a toilet and a sink? ... Aaaand you're not allowed in my house anymore."

"Why do the French like Cheap Trick? Because they always surrender!"

"Best time to go to the dentist? tooth hurty"

"The only time my wife will ever scream ""Deeper, deeper!""... Is when they are lowering my casket into the ground."

"Q: Where do bees go on their day off? A: To the wax museum."

"I wore Pirates of the Caribbean pajama pants to the gym and ran backwards on the treadmill because I want a nickname there."