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Joke of the Day

"What does walking a tightrope and having period sex have in common? You don't want to look down, in either case."

"Dear Kanye West, Take the diaper off your daughter and put it around your face. A lot of crap has been coming from it lately"

"[Library] MAN: Do you have books on fire? LIBRARIAN: Yes, in the Chemistry section MAN: Come on boys! *Swarms of firemen enter with hoses*"

"Your head is basically just the smartest part of your body wrapped in the spookiest part of your body."

"I used to see people alone at restaurants and feel bad for them. Now I'm with a screaming two year old wondering, ""Who is that solo genius?"""

"While those 2 guys at the bar were just fantasizing about what they'd do with powerball winnings, I stole their ticket."

"A zombie walks into a bar Bartender says ""we don't serve zombies here"" to which the zombie replies ""that's fine, is the human fresh?"""

"The man who invented anagrams has died. May he erect a penis."

"What do you call a black political figure? A *coon*gressman"

"My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the 60's group The Monkees. I thought she was joking... and then I saw her face..."