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Joke of the Day

"I went to the cinema, and the prices were: Adults $5.00, children $2.50. So I said, ""Give me two boys and a girl."""

"When people say they work like a dog, I look at mine and think they must mean they just lay around all day and poop wherever they feel like."

"What do you say when your mom walks in on you fapping? C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!"

"I refuse to jump on the I hate Mondays' bandwagon. I hate all workdays equally"

"When I get home to find my wife naked in the tub, seductively asking me to ""warm her up"", I dont waste a second.. to throw in a hairdryer"

"42 percent of statistics are made up!"

"I tried to get an hourglass figure... ...but then I realised it would just be a waist of time."

"I can't imagine the enormous pressure on fat black women to be sassy all the time."

"Where can you always find kids by themselves? edit: i forgot to say please."

"I'm usually pretty inspired after watching a movie to try something I've just seen. [hunts for a movie about cleaning bathrooms]"