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Joke of the Day

"Plans are already underway for a Trump Library... It's the first time a Presidential library will have *just* scratch and sniff books."

"You know that photo of yourself you really fucking hate, it'll look great to you in ten years time so don't delete that shit."

"If you live in Russia... .. then you must've picked ""HARD MODE"" at birth."

"Why is saying "" I'm sorry"" and ""I apologize"" mean the same thing... ...unless your at a funeral."

"A black man walked into the bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bar man asks, ""Whoa, cool. Where did you get him?"" The parrot says, ""Africa! There are loads of them running around!"""

"What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh"

"My neighbour told me I'd left my lights on. I told her she'd left her big nose on."

"[blood bank] Doc inserts needle [turns around] YOU AGAIN! [vampire sucking on tube like straw] GO ON SCOOT [chases him from room with broom]"

"a 80s movie style montage of me trying on different condoms and my bros keep shaking their heads"

"Scientists report global context shortage. ""I guess I'll have flan,"" some scientist said, totally out of context."