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Joke of the Day

"Why didn't Peter Jackson cast any black actors in The Lord Of The Rings? He was afraid they wouldn't be taken on their merits, that they'd just be seen as Tolkien blacks."

"My mother-in-law is like a fine French Impressionist painting. She's very lovely but is best appreciated at a distance."

"What is a orphans biggest dilemma when it comes to cooking? Making a homemade meal."

"The message in a bottle is probably my favorite form of communication that involves throwing garbage in the ocean."

"Why are people afraid to play poker in Africa? Too many Cheetahs."

"Why did the fisherman commit suicide when the last dolphin died? Because his life had no porpoise."

"An English Girl.. WIFE: ""I'm going to LONDON. What gift do you want?"" HUSBAND: ""An English girl."" After a month, wife returns.. HUSBAND: ""Where is my gift?"" WIFE: ""Wait for nine months!"""

"I like my coffee how I like my women Bitter, black, and preferably fair trade."

"[torturing terrorist] [plays EDM] [beat rises] [beat keeps rising] [beat rises endlessly] Terrorist: MAKE IT DROP I'LL TELL U ANYTHING"

"[buys plastic lightsabers for the kids] 5-year-old daughter: Mine is broken. Me: What's wrong with it? 5: It doesn't even cut off arms."