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Joke of the Day

"What was said the boiled waters funeral? You will be mist."

"What's the difference between a New Yorker and a Canadian? A New Yorker takes the A train; a Canadian takes the train, eh."

"Mermaids and their boobs This one has always been a hit for me out in the field, in a goofy way. Why do mermaids wear seashells? Because their boobs are too big for B-shells!"

"Ana from Frozen was upset it didn't snow on her Wedding day, but everything has a silver lining because she got 8 inches that night"

"Q: What do elephants and plums have in common? A: Everything, except that one is an elephant and one is a plum."

"Why don't you ever want Hitler to be your chemistry lab partner? Because he always ends with a really fucked up final solution"

"Father, pardon, excuse, exonerate, absolve, acquit, forgive me, for I have synonymed."

"Helen: Mum do you know what I'm going to give you for your birthday? Mum: No dear what ? Helen: A nice teapot. Mum: But I've got a nice teapot. Helen: No you haven't. I've just dropped it."

"According to a new report from BP, the earth will run out of oil in 53 years. Luckily, thanks to BP, the ocean will still have plenty..."

"Girlfriend said she felt she looked fat, tired, and ugly. Said she needed a compliment. I told her that her eyesight was nearly flawless."