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Joke of the Day

"What does a prostitute have in common with Sting? They both stop sucking when The Police are around."

"My wife ran off with my best friend... Man! I'm going to miss him...."

"What's black and white and red all over? A penguin in a blender."

"If you ever saw me race to the liquor store 5 mins before it closes, you'd hire me for a getaway driver in a bank heist any day."

"Waldo books are cute until u learn he owes $100,000 in unpaid child support & is wanted for arson"

"Doctor: Between 1 and 10, describe how much pain are you in? Me: Is married a number? That's how I get the good meds..."

"What happened when the Malaysian asked the Russian out on a date? He got shot down."

"Chess Set ""I'd like to buy this chess set please"" ""How will you be paying, sir?"" ""Check mate"".."

"Use conditioner... Shampoo burns (;"

"*Full parking lot* Me: IF THERE IS A GOD, FIND ME A SPOT AND I WILL BECOME RELIGIOUS! *spot opens up* Me: NEVER MIND, I FOUND ONE!"