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Joke of the Day

"I'm using Internet Explorer to post this, so it might be a bit delayed... But there's a plane heading towards the twin towers right now."

"What do you call a punchline that makes no sense? A Bobbitt"

"Doctor wanted a semen sample, stool sample and urine sample. I gave him a pair of my underwear. Here, you sort it out."

"The difference between an European that feels fat and an American that feels the same? The European goes to the gym, the American goes to Jim's."

"What is a name for a female lawyer? Sue"

"are u nervous? do u hav nerves? dont wory. just take a deep breath. BUT NOT TOO DEEP!!! dont want ur lungs to pop. dont want that to hapen"

"I steal candy bars using slight of hand... You could say I have a few Twix up my sleeve"

"[furniture store] Wife: We're putting in a bar. Salesman: OK Wife: And... S: Yes? W: Go ahead, say it. Me: WE'RE GONNA NEED A STOOL SAMPLE."

"Do they make a Rosetta Stone for women's moods yet?"

"No one has ever said, ""You know what would make this even better? Turkey bacon."""