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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang the picture."

"The best joke about vampires EVER Just kidding. They all suck."

"What did the pillow say when it fell off the bed Sheet"

"Who wrote ""The Open Kimono""? ""? Seymour Hare."

"At my parent's house, or as I like to call it, the world's most judgmental self-service laundromat."

"It'd be fun to watch screaming monkeys throw poop at each other today, but it's too cold in DC for the zoo. And Congress is out of session."

"[Exchanging gifts at family's house] *family opens up my gifts -uh, a history book? Your Facebook post suggested that you needed it."

"One time the top popped off my blender when I was making a smoothie. So... Yeah Iceland, I get it."

"It's white, it's ceramic, and it taps on your door. Let that sink in."

"21 afraid of 20 We all know why 6 was afraid of 7, but why was 21 terrified of 20? Because twenty-eight twenty-nine... (With profuse apologies.)"