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Joke of the Day

"1. You're confined to a hospital bed. 2. You're 11. 3. You sustained brain damage in a car accident. - Reasons to watch shows on ""The CW"""

"If dogs have taught me anything, it's that barking is a GREAT way to get rid of people you don't want to speak to. Works for me EVERY TIME."

"Every time I eat a banana in public, a stranger offers me money to do it in private. I ate 32 bananas today & made $725. I have diarrhea."

"My girlfriend kept saying she'd hit me if I didn't stop singing Haddaway's What is Love.... I said ""Baby, don't hurt me"""

"Last month, I asked my dad if I could get a tattoo. He told me to get it somewhere that didn't matter, so I got it done in Oklahoma."

"My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body. 205, 204, 203, 202, 201... She'll make a great soup."

"Hipsters favorite ocean is Frank Ocean."

"Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because seven is a registered six offender."

"A Lawyer walks into a bar He tries his hardest, and passes the exam."

"At my new job I have 500 people under me. I mow grass at a cemetery."