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Joke of the Day

"Me: Sometimes I wish I wasn't shy and introverted Alcohol: I'VE GOT GREAT NEWS!"

"I can fit the lyrics of the song 'Uptown Funk' into any conversation that I have... Don't believe me? Just watch!"

"What do you call a zoo where the only animal in the entire zoo is a dog? A shitzu."

"How do you know you're a Seattle Seahawk? A butler serves you."

"I heard this joke about a guy who gave oral sex to his sister's daughter. It was a real niece lapper."

"I tried to start a band called ""999 megs""! Never did get a gig :("

"If I'm carrying a torch for you it's only because I want to set you on fire."

"I used to be addicted to doing the Hokey Pokey Luckily I since turned myself around."

"RT this if you like to repeat what other people say"

"How many atheists does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to videotape the job so fundamentalists won't claim that god it."