6889

Joke of the Day

"I tried to start a band called ""999 megs""! Never did get a gig :("

"I want to be a stand-up comedian... But I'm afraid I'll be laughed at."

"Oscar Pistorius is pleading not guilty to the charge of premeditated murder Frankly I don't think he's got a leg to stand on."

"I'm going back to work tomorrow after the holiday break, which means playing that annual game: What food is rotting in the office kitchen?"

"1am: Huh, I'm not tired... 2am: I feel great! Maybe I don't need sleep? 3am: LET'S EXECUTE EVERY IDEA I'VE EVER HAD. 3:04am: Euthanise me."

"Help! I have food stuck in my throat! Haha, just choking!"

"when I was 11 my dad saw me using deodorant, laughed, and said ""that's not how you do it."" I never asked him the right way & it haunts me"

"What did Kermit the Frog say when Jim Henson died? Nothing."

"My friends think I'm weird for sleeping with a full size body pillow It's just a lot more rare to find a dead midget."

"A blind man walks into a store... he then starts knocking things off the shelves. An employee asks; - ""Is there anything I can help you with?"" - ""No thanks, I'm just looking around."""