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Joke of the Day
"I got stung by an applebee and now I'm going into bananaphylactic shock."
Next Joke
"Even at my age, I can still turn a lot of heads. It's mostly to see where the smell is coming from though."
"Boss:""I'll need those projections done Aesop!"" Me:""You mean ASAP?"" Boss:""No, I mean a parable that uses animals to convey a moral lesson."""
"A man was found with his dick in a peanut butter jar... He was fucking nuts."
"my mate rang me earlier.... My mate rang me earlier and says ""Hey dude, what you up to?"" ""Probably failing my driving test"" I say"
"What do you get when you mix laxatives with holy water? A religious movement."
"""Git yer cotton pickin hands off a my gin."" -Eli Whitney"
"In Liverpool, you'll never walk alone. There will always be other visitors to the city who've had their cars stolen, too."
"I wish Bond movies gave a more realistic view of his jet lag and traveler's diarrhea."
"My **** is like a bronze medal... Everyone gets it, no one wants it"