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Joke of the Day

"Boss:""I'll need those projections done Aesop!"" Me:""You mean ASAP?"" Boss:""No, I mean a parable that uses animals to convey a moral lesson."""

"[Sunday] God: Finally a day of rest. I could really use a chicken sandwich and a milkshake. *walks up to Chick-fil-A* OH COME ON!!"

"How many fingers does the dragonborn have? 8 fingers and 2 Thu""ums... Unless the dragonborn only has a Haafingar"

"During conversation, a guy mispronounces a physicist's name. Upon realizing this, he apologizes profusely. The physicist says, ""It's Feynman."""

"Everytime I listen 'freudien slip' I always think in my ... ... psychology classes. And you ?"

"Everything happens for a reason; unfortunately, sometimes the reason is you."

"Dance like you're not the father"

"Hi, I'm Brandon and I'll be your hater this evening. Our specials tonight are ""ur mom"", ""lol own3d"", and ""u mad bro lol u mad?!??!"""

"[on game show] Choose a door for a goat or a new car ""I'll take door #2"" You've won the car! *sees it's a Kia* ""Can I have the goat instead"""

"Q: What's pink and red and can't turn round in a corridor? A: A baby with a javellin through its head."