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Joke of the Day

"I like my women how I like my computer. On my lap. Turned on. Virus free."

"Without that little voice in your head you wouldn't be able to read this."

"What aftershave do monsters wear? Brute."

"What's your stance on public intoxication? Mine is very wobbly."

"Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field."

"Every ten seconds, someone in London gets stabbed Poor bastard."

"No matter how bored I get, I'll never be bored enough to go back and read through all the greeting cards I've saved over the years."

"They should have cast Daniel Craig in the 50 Shades of Gray movie They could have named his character James Bondage"

"Some young women are like bottles of wine They need to be tended to carefully and given time to mature, which is why I keep a few in my cellar."

"I should've married myself. I've never said no to sex. Not once. Not one single time ever."