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Joke of the Day

"A parkourist walks into a restaurant He sees 5 jars. ""What are those?"" The waiter says ""Some are suger, Summersalt"""

"How ironic is it that gay marriage is legal, but conservatives are the ones getting butthurt?"

"I've just made a perfume from holy water... Eau my God"

"Why did Adele crawl under the cow? ...to say hello from the udder side. I'll take my Oscar now."

"If money doesn't buy happiness.. then explain why you have to pay for a divorce."

"My roommate called to tell me our apartment was inflamed... ...so I told him to give it some ibuprofen and put it to bed."

"Finally bought a puppy for the wife and I, but it turns out my wife's allergic to dogs, so we had to get rid of her. The dog and I live happily together now."

"What tastes great on pie but bad on pussy? Crust"

"U ever squeeze out a turd so big that it feels like u traveled through time once it's out? anyway forgive me father for i have sinned"

"Wife: where's the baby? Me: up on the roof Wife: THE ROOF? Me: relax. He's got sunscreen on"