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Joke of the Day

"My friend sent her photo to the lonely hearts club They sent it back saying they weren't *that* lonely"

"My dog got hit by a train today & we found out my brother didn't make parole. Talk about a case of the Mondays!!"

"There are two types of people in this world Those that can extrapolate from incomplete data."

"Her: How in the world did we max out the credit card?? Me: Beats me *pushes $20K worth of Care Bears under the bed"

"When Vladimir Putin left his home as a teenager he told his dad: ""You are now the man of the house."""

"Hey baby, can I take your derivative.... So I can lay tangent to those curves."

"One person's trigger warning... ...is another person's spoiler alert."

"'I've been expecting you, Mr. Bond.' - James Bond's mother giving birth"

"Usually when I try to be slick and say ""keep the change,"" the money I've handed over doesn't cover what I'm trying to purchase"

"A man goes into a bakery and says, ""I'll have 99 rolls."" Says the lady behind the counter: ""Why don't you take 100, then you have one more."" ""But who's gonna eat all those rolls?"""