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Joke of the Day

"I don't mind the NSA reading my Word documents. It means that at least someone will read the first draft of my novel."

"A little bird told me I'm on LSD and talking to a bird."

"How do you know if an Asian person has robbed your house? When you come home, your math homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and they're still trying to back out of the driveway."

"Who brew in the jewish house down the street? Hebrew."

"Define Irony: The opposite of wrinkly"

"[robber breaks into my house] i always knew you'd come for me, my darling. where are you going"

"Why are elephants grey ? So you can tell them from flamingos !"

"How do you find a dead body? Download Pokemon GO."

"What time does Sean Connery attend the Wimbeldon? tenish."

"If I ever get married, I'm not wearing white. Nothing to do with the whole virginity thing, and everything to do with being a sloppy eater."