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Joke of the Day

"""We heard reports that some guy saw a snowflake one time somewhere so we better cancel 5,000 flights."" - Airlines"

"*writes 'amount to something' on bucket list* *crosses it out* *writes 'mount something'* Yeah. That's do-able."

"How does it feel to be a famous rock-and-roll musician? Fan-fucking-tastic!"

"I bought a spray bottle to break my girlfriend of looking at her phone when I'm speaking. I hide it after use so she doesn't know who did it"

"When my SO is sad, she likes to code. So I give her some &nbsp"

"So two fish are hanging out in a tank... So two fish are hanging out in a tank, when one turns to the other and says ""Are you sure you known how to drive this thing?"""

"They say children are a gift from god. I'm totally wide-open to regifting."

"Blonde Did you hear about the blonde who got in a taxi? The driver kept the 'VACANT' sign up. (Found this in WuMo)"

"There's nothing like sitting by an open fire..watching the evidence burn."

"The How I Met Your Mother series will end tonight & everyone is thinking the same thing...if only it were The Big Bang Theory instead."