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Joke of the Day

"Dang girl, are you a zombie? Cuz I'm bringing you back from the dead!"

"Eat for free at any restaurant by disguising yourself as a trash can."

"My wife likes to talk after sex.. So she called me from a hotel room. No Respect! RIP Rodney Dangerfield"

"There was a failed art theft today... the robber reportedly was foiled because he didn't have enough Monet for Degas to make the Van Gogh."

"Just had too much fun with a woman who lost her son named ""Marco"" in the supermarket just now."

"The biggest joke of all time! My existence"

"It's like sex while camping.. it's fucking intense"

"Pro Tip: don't believe everything on Twitter. Y'all said throw her up against the wall to keep her happy. Karen from accounting. Not Happy."

"I thought the thieves stealing my dinner was bad But this one takes the cake"

"I've fallen in love with a pencil and we're getting married. I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B."