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Joke of the Day

"What's green and goes red at a flick of a switch. Kermit in a blender."

"Your hair turns white when you get old for evolutionary reasons. Predators leave you alone if they think you're a wizard"

"How can you tell when Clinton is lying? Her lips are moving. Yeah, it's an old joke but then again, so is she."

"Everybody says Australians are rednecks learn already... **...it's actually from latin word Australis which means Southern...** *Oops*"

"In grammar school, most unplanned pregnancies happen early on ...before anyone knows how to use the colon."

"ant-man: im here to stop u bad guy: [pulls out a can of Raid] ant-man: motherf"

"The fact that we all attempt to look nice and go out and drink ourselves to death is proof that life is fucking terrible."

"Met a beautiful girl down at the park today... Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new Taser..."

"I went into a convenience store today... I asked the shop keeper if they sell stationery there. He replied no, they're allowed to move around."

"A man is lying in a hospital bed. ""Doctor, how long do I have to live?"" asks the man. ""10,"" replies the doctor. ""10 what?"" ""9."""