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Joke of the Day

"[Jesus opens his fortune cookie] SOMEONE WILL BETRAY YOU ""Uh oh"" YOUR LUCKY NUMBERS ARE 4 2 0 6 9 ""Haha nice!"""

"I've been called the Trump of the bedroom... Because sex with me builds up emotional walls that they end up paying for."

"I need to do laundry so bad I'm actually wearing Christmas stockings"

"How do you know when a singer is at the door? First they don't know when to come in, and then they can't find the key."

"I am sure I chose the right song for Richard's funeral Lonely Island - Dick in a Box"

"So I bought the new cod game. Best fishing simulator ever."

"If children refuse to sleep during nap time... ...are they guilty of resisting a rest?"

"They should invent an alarm clock that if you hit the snooze button more than 3 times it automatically calls in sick for you."

"Why do pedophiles LOVE twenty eight year old boys? Because, DUDE, there's 20 of them!"

"Who said ""Shiver me timbers!"" on the ghost ship? The skeleton crew."