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Joke of the Day

"Going to mass is basically just like a dog being trained A guy tells you to sit and stand and sit and stand, and at the end they give you a snack"

"What do call forty lesbians in a tree A CUNTREE"

"Came downstairs to watch the game and the channel had changed. Looked at the dog, he looked back, then slowly slid his paw off the remote."

"Two atoms walk into a party at the Large Hadron Collider... It was full of nerds so they split."

"How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a light bulb? Two, one to change the bulb and another to hold the penis. ladder! I meant ladder."

"Hey, Cap'n Crunch. You've been a captain since 1963. Dude, I don't think admiral is happening for you."

"why thank you, sir! I was totally unaware of my big titties. How kind of you to risk your safety by yelling it out of the car window."

"speed dating I'm looking for a girl with fire in her eyes. Her: Hi. My name is Carrie."

"I remember when social networking was something that happened in person. How awkward."

"ELI5: Why doesn't BMW install turn signals on their cars?"