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Joke of the Day

"Where can you find the best joke book in the world? The Seattle Seahawks play book. Edit: sorry for the typo."

"Christopher walked walks in, he sits down and says... Hey. Guy. I threw a hotdog down, the highway. The hooker, was already dead."

"Someone is selling a rot iron table on Craigslist ..wonder If they would trade for a dictionary"

"Just got home to find the doors ripped off and everything gone. What kind of bastard could do that to my chocolate advent calendar?"

"An irishman walks out of a bar..."

"Ironically, I only know of one person with the name Common."

"Me: I am sad, we don't have any cookie crumble for my ice cream. Wife: lots of things make me sad, like being married to a giant man baby"

"Why did the Japanese American bring his server with him? He thought they said internet camp"

"I've never wanted to know the answer to anything bad enough to ask a question at the end of a meeting that's running 30 minutes over time."

"[taking my final breaths after a freak accident] Tell my family I totes love them *gasping for air* but like, roll your eyes real hard"