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Joke of the Day

"A nun walks into a grocery store Nun: ""Hi I'd like to buy a cucumber."" Clerk: ""Well, why don't you buy two, so you can eat one."""

"[on a test drive] Me: Haha the heated seat feels like I peed my pants! Dealer: This car doesn't have heated seats. Me: Does it have napkins?"

"When my husband goes outside to investigate a strange noise, how long do I have to wait before un-pausing the show we were watching?"

"What do you call a rape in the military? A flashbang."

"In light of all the LGBT groups participating in St Patrick's Day..... I'm going to open a new Irish themed gay bar. It will be called *Sodom and Begorrah*"

"""Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."" Cashier: ""Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"" Customer: ""Nah...she's purdy good lookin'..."""

"You don't really know what's pain in the ass until.. ...you've had a hemorrhoid."

"Why don't women wear skirts in San Fransisco? Because their balls would show."

"TIFU in the shower Although I still think Up is a strange name for a dog..."

"I used to be indecisive... ...but now I'm not so sure."