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Joke of the Day

"[on a test drive] Me: Haha the heated seat feels like I peed my pants! Dealer: This car doesn't have heated seats. Me: Does it have napkins?"

"Twitter, because my work isn't just going to ignore itself."

"I always get burnt during summer time. I would go under trees but they're a little shady."

"If I were a farmer, how would I measure my height? From my head, tomatoes. Hope no one has heard this before, thought of it while driving."

"Prostate Cancer **;** Edit: *But seriously, cancer isn't funny.*"

"Best joke for Americans. My friend calls me up and asks ""Hey are you free tonight?"" And I say of course, I'm American."

"1 out of 5 dentists just likes being a dick."

"tilt your head up as in like look up at the sky and squeeze the bridge of your nose and blink alot. it prevents crying u wimp"

"Why did God make four cheeks in the human body? he made an ass of the first two."

"I got fired from my job as a jihadist. They told me to blow up a bus, and I burnt my lips on the exaust pipe."