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Joke of the Day

"Whats the opposite of progress? Congress"

"What do you call ten white folks on a bench? The NBA"

"Have you ever noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are ones you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place? There's such balance in nature!"

"As I watched the dog chasing his tail, I thought, Dogs sure are easily amused!... ...then I realized I was watching the dog chasing his tail."

"Did you hear some people are saying listening to Queen causes autism? Apparently it's because of the unusually high Mercury content."

"What do you call 24 carrots? Edible gold."

"Why can't the T-rex do any push ups? Small arms? No it's because dinosaurs are extinct you dumbass."

"But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? / Are you still on your iPhone even though you said you were going to sleep?"

"A girl who bullied me in junior high just friended me on Facebook. Her three kids are named after trees. I win."

"A horse walks into a bar. .. A horse walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says, ""Why the long face?"" Sarah Jessica Parker responds, ""I'm a person you know? I have feelings!"""