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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between the foundation of a building and the average Redittor? The foundation's been laid."

"something we all think is funny. Everybody thinks a pussy fart is funny, right?"

"911 what is your emergency? Me: ""My 6 year old hasn't stopped talking since he got home"" 911: ""stay calm ma.. Me: MY EARS ARE BLEEDING"

"It's cute how my family thinks I'm playing with fire and I'm just trying to cook them breakfast"

"I usually make it to the ATM just behind the guy who's using it to refinance his home loan."

"My mind is always on fast forward while my body's in slow motion. I'm just like that channel where the sound is out-of-sync w/ the picture."

"How did the Linux admin commit assault? He sudo bashed someone."

"What do you call sex with a burrito? Getting chipotlaid."

"I'm at my most NASCAR driver when I really have to pee."

"An Irishman walks out of a pub. ..."