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Joke of the Day

"Bought myself a really tight fit bomber jacket the other day But once I had got it on it wouldnt go off..."

"""Of course I can paint your ceiling,"" Michaelangelo scoffed. ""Gonna paint a bunch of dudes with their dicks out on it though."""

"What if Aliens don't want to visit us because they're all women and they want us to make the first move."

"""I'm really good in bed"" -Ice cream"

"The best thing about going on a first date to the petting zoo is that if she doesn't put out there are still plenty of options."

"Being with a whore.... Is like sitting on a warm toilet seat. You didn't see the last guy leave, but you know someone was just there."

"As a CBT enthusiast I asked to see a dominatrix but she said she was too busy She put me on the grating list"

"new tattoo My wife has a new tattoo. its a shell on the inside of her thigh. when i put my ear to it i can smell the sea..."

"My family's going to be here soon. Quick, hide my body."

"Why did I wear no jeans today? my supply was short."