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Joke of the Day

"I have blue eyes. I got them from my father. My mother has black eyes. She also got them from my father."

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"Spruce up your weeknight: run the dishwasher and imagine you're on a cruise!"
"What did Mike Tyson say to the Death Star elevator attendant? ""Sith floor pleaths"""
"Me: congrats! Are you pregnant? Her: (awkwardly) Noooo... Me: *panics* do you wanna be? -great save- thanks brain"
"Capitalism is controlled by an ""invisible hand"" that gives most people the invisible finger."
"What do you call a hooker with no limits? Your mom."
"I once met a man from Nantucket... I don't know the rest, so fuck it."
"If I had $1 every time somebody called me a racist... Black people would rob me!"
"What do you call fireworks that don't work? Fireunemployed."
"Where does a salmon go to deposit a check? To the river bank!"
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