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Joke of the Day

"Everyone wants to have sex, sluts are just successful. That's why we hate them. Stupid sluts."

"I'm an adult. I can eat a cupcake for breakfast & call it a muffin if I want"

"What do you call a blind dinosaur? A do-you-think-he-saurus?"

"My friends all say I'm extremely condescending... ...that means I talk down to people."

"Next wedding Im saying its a open bar but when u get there its going to be cash.Just b/c its a 3rd wedding doesnt mean u can skip it slacker"

"A man gives his wife a glass of water and two aspirin His wife says, ""What are these for? I don't have a headache."" The man replies, ""Great! Let's f***!"""

"Penn State Prefers to be losing at half time.. Because at Penn State they like when you are a little behind in the locker room. - South Park"

"""It's possible to touch birds!"" I say suddenly. My coworkers stare at me. I wander outside to touch some birds."

"Why did the Christmas tree get thrown in prison? Treeson."

"making holy water is easy.... you boil the hell out of it but how to you turn that holy water back into regular tap water? You cook the bejesus out of it. *bejesus may be a local slang but i hope not."