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Joke of the Day

"Irony is lost on kleptomaniacs because they take everything literally."

"Why do babies love sticking things in their mouth? And why doesn't my girlfriend share this impulse?"

"I was about to make a sodium joke... but Na"

"What's the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler? Usain Bolt can finish a race."

"Hey! I got a new job working in quality control at a knickers factory! I'll be pulling down about 800 a week."

"I walked up to a girl and said, ""Skittles, Starburst, Jelly Babies, Haribo, Wine Gums."" ""Erm...what?"" she asked. I said, ""I'm trying to sweet-talk you into dating me."""

"You can tell which side of your pillow is the cool side because it's the one smoking a cigarette."

"""Ok, what shall we call these skewers of food?"" STEVE: How about a Kasteve? BOB: I have a better idea"

"Where does the Little Mermaid shop for her dinglehoppers? At the Hair Cutlery."

"If at first you don't succeed, buy her another beer."