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Joke of the Day

"Where does the Little Mermaid shop for her dinglehoppers? At the Hair Cutlery."

"I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it. I returned it. Now where to spend my $608?"

"United States once again votes for a minority President! Donald J Trump is believed to be the first orange President to be elected in the history of the United States."

"My youngest son's dirty clothes sit on the floor, beneath the laundry chute. I admire his hope that they'll bounce up and swish down."

"I like my coffee like I like my women. Without a penis"

"Two men just got away with the largest Viagra heist in history. Police say to be on the lookout for hardened criminals."

"I totally get why women are attracted to men who ride motorcycles. Like you increase your chances of getting to have two husbands by a lot."

"Are you watching too much T.V but not doing enough reading? Turn your subtitles on. Boom, problem solved!"

"Russian history in five words ...and then it got worse"

"Don't worry, the right someone is out there for everyone. You'll probably never find them, or fuck it up when you do, but they're out there."