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Joke of the Day

"Good punctuation is the difference between... Helping your friend, jack, off a horse, -or- helping your friend jack off a horse..."

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"*Adobe update puts on fake moustache and glasses* Hi, my name is iOS 7, would you like to download updates?"
"Heard of The Gay Martini? they're pretty strong. You drink just one and you can't see straight."
"Welcome to Facebook. Please choose your category: Comedian, Philosopher, Protester, or Drama Queen."
"I feel like Trump is like Hitler Terribly misunderstood."
"I want to die in my sleep like my grandad Not screaming and crying like his passengers."
"My girlfriend yelled at me today saying, ""You weren't even listening just now, were you?!"" I thought, ""Man, what a weird way to start a conversation."""
"I went to a karaoke bar last night that didn't play any 70's music... At first I was afraid, oh I was petrified."
"What should you use to make a boat explode? A weapon of mast destruction."
"How many Trump supporters does it take to screw in a light bulb? They don't need light bulbs, the burning crosses provide enough illumination."
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